Tag: Control your Anger

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How can we navigate the crisis? Using practical & Biblical principles of calmness, competence & confidence. How to control things in your life when you are out of control. People tend to experience a severe crisis of stress. The Bible shows insight that we need to emulate & change our lives. During the crisis, there are increasing numbers of fits of anger & outbursts. Covid19 pandemic can make us a raging monster. It seems like lots of people have no clue at all why they get angry.

Practical steps on how to reduce anger in oneself and anger towards others.

If you are feeling short-tempered & angry in this outbreak, then it is normal. But we need to exercise restraint. Many things can make us angry. The combined factors of long quarantine at home and daily crisis news can become very stressful. All these happen quickly that makes us become short-tempered. Fortunately, we have the Bible to give us an insight into the faith that gives you serenity in a crisis.

Anger is mismanagement of emotion. The wrong kind of anger is actually named as 7 numbers of deadly sins in the Bible. Not all fits of anger are sins. Ultimately Jesus at the cross took away all sins from us. Anger is not automatically a sin. Anger has its place. Simple anger, wrong anger, unrighteous anger; in fact, anger is God-given capacity. God gives appropriate anger.

We must control our anger. Learn how to use anger wisely, and appropriately. Mismanagement of anger is sin, but the management of anger is an asset. The problem is not anger itself, but whether is it an inappropriate expression of anger. When we are angry we can blow up or muted. We can become either a skunk or tortoise when angry. Tortoise that gets angry withdraws inside its shell. But skunk gets angry by spilling all over the place with an offensive odor. Men can lose temper twice more often than women. Typically men can lose temper 6 times a week, whereas women lose their temper 3 times a week.

Women more often get angry at people and men get angry at things like machines or equipment has broken down or mistakes in business decisions. The single adult is twice likely to lose his or her temper than a married adult. Men are angrier physically more than women. Avoid inappropriately letting out of anger. We are more likely to express anger at home than anywhere else.

Successful relationships happen when anger is managed that produces great business partnerships. When anger is managed it produces respected leaders. How do we have faith that keeps us calm away from conflict? There are 3 typical Biblical steps of anger management.

1) REALIZE THE COST OF UNCONTROLLED ANGER

Learn to manage anger and know there is a cost for anger. Realize there is a price tag against us in anger. It is very expensive in uncontrolled anger. Proverbs 29:22 states that an angry man stirs up dissension, and a hot-tempered one commits many sins. A hot-tempered man gets into all kinds of troubles.

Proverbs 15:18 ” A hot-tempered man stirs up dissension, but a patient man calms a quarrel. ” Hot tempers cause arguments.

Proverbs 14:29 – “A patient man has great understanding, but a quick-tempered man displays folly.”  

Proverbs 14:17 – “A quick-tempered man does foolish things, and a crafty man is hated.” People with hot tempers do foolish things. You always lose if you lose temper, lose the respect of others, lose the love of family members, lose your job, and lose your health if you respond to anger in the wrong way.  

In the long run, anger in parents creates anger, apathy & alienation in kids. Nothing destroys a relationship faster than anger.

Proverbs 11:29 – “He who brings trouble on his family will inherit only wind, and the fool will be a servant to the wise.” The fool who provokes his family to anger and resentment will finally have nothing worthwhile left. How to keep cool in a crisis is to realize that uncontrolled anger is not worth it.

2) RESOLVE TO MANAGE IT

This is a deliberate choice to manage anger. You are tired of hurting yourself and also tired of hurting others with anger. You may choose to manage anger with God’s help.  

We need to stop giving excuses and accept responsibility for our actions. For example, while you are in a heated argument & someone happens to be on the phone, you then have to change your tone to a soft and polite voice.

3) REFLECT BEFORE REACTING

Anger management is to think before you speak. Do not respond to malice or accusation impulsively. The remedy is to pause and stop to be quiet, and do not be quick to respond.

James 1:19-20, “My dear brothers, take note of this: Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry, for man’s anger does not bring about the righteous life that God desires.” This verse, be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to anger, is full with spiritual truth. We need to act as Jesus does in every situation. We are followers of Jesus Christ. Our behavior follows our belief. The Bible does not give us the rule of conduct to be easily angry.

Behavior determines your beliefs and that is the reason why we live in certain ways. God wants us to treat others the way He treats us. God wants to change us to move from inside out. He moves us from the interior to external. He moves us from being to doing. He moves us from character to conduct. From identity in Christ to our activity in
the world and from our belief to behavior. Bible always tells us why we should do something before He tells us what to do. Quick to listen, slow to speak, and slow to anger is because this is the way God treats us.

How to reflect before reacting : 3 active steps in Bible

i) Be Quick To Listen

The quickest way to defuse somebody’s anger is to be calm and genuinely listen to them. If you do not feel like you are being listened to that makes you angrier. When you are angry don’t talk first. Listen first. You can make a giant step forward to manage anger. Don’t be quick to speak your points across. Don’t be quick to share your side of the story.

Listening calm people down and also soothing people. Calm you down also and easing hurts. Just listen & be quick to listen.

ii) Be slow to speak.

Anger control is a matter of mouth control. You tame your anger by taming your tongue. Anger management starts
with watching your words. Learn how to muzzle or control your mouth.

Proverbs 29:11 – “A fool gives full vent to his anger, but a wise man keeps himself under control.” A stupid man gives free rein to his anger; a wise man waits and lets it grow cool. Delay causes anger to cool down. Delay is a remedy to anger. The longer you hold on and don’t let it out your anger, the more it improves.

Sometimes we need to reflect & think through. Delay tends to calm you down.

iii) Be slow to get angry.

If you are quick to listen, slow to speak then you are automatically slow to get angry. Bible twice to use words “slow. “Delay our response and delay is the only remedy. Analyze first to try to understand our anger. Proverbs 19:11 ” A man’s wisdom gives him patience; it is to his glory to overlook an offense.” The more understanding of our anger, the more understanding we are of ourselves.

The more understanding of your spouse’s anger, the more understanding of your spouse. The more understanding of your child’s anger, the more understanding of you for your child. The more understanding of your co-workers’ anger or your neighbor’s fits of anger, the more understanding of you will be of them.

Questions To Ask Yourself Considering Holding Back Anger

When you are angry, ask yourself why? What do you really want? Something is frustrated here !! How can you avoid it ? Blow it out just doesn’t work. Identify the cause. Reflect before reacting to the root causes of anger. Typical 3 causes are Hurt, Frustration, and Fear.

Hurts cause anger. We can be emotionally or physically hurt. For example, like you injured your thumb, you get angry. Hurt causes anger. Also, frustration causes anger. When you are forced to wait long and can trigger anger. When you are in a situation beyond control like a baby continuously crying nonstop and you get frustrating that
may cause anger. The more you need to control in your life the more prompt you are to anger. High control of your life is prompt to high anger. 3rd cause of anger is fear. When we get threatened or attacked by people and we get afraid then we get angry. Angry and insecurity are together. The more insecure you feel, the angrier you will be.

While you are quick to listen & slow to speak while in the midst of it do a silent prayer.
Psalm 141:3 – “Set a guard over my mouth, O LORD; keep watch over the door of my lips” Lord helps me control my tongue, help me careful what I say. We are to reflecting first not reacting before. Alcohol can cause not
reflecting first before reacting. Proverbs 20:1 “Wine is a mocker and beer a brawler; whoever is led astray by them is not wise.”

Drinking too much makes you loud and foolish. It is stupid to get drunk. Alcohol makes you don’t think straight. Alcohol drinks make you react first before reflecting, instead of reflecting before react.

Step 1: The cost of anger is not worth it. Realize the cost of anger. The price is too expensive in anger. Always payment to be paid in anger and can lose a lot.

Step 2: Resolve to manage anger Make a decision, stop saying I can not control anger. Praying with God’s help and say I can manage anger.

Step 3: Reflect before Reacting. Quick to listen, slow to speak & slow to anger.

Step 4: Release Our Anger Appropriately Problem is inappropriate to release of anger.
Ephesians 4:26 – “In your anger do not sin”: Do not let the sun go down while you are still angry,” If you become angry, don’t let your anger lead you into sin. ” Realize that you can get angry but not into sin by this verse.

Mismanagement of anger is sin. There is a right way or wrong way to express anger. Appropriate way and inappropriate way to express anger. Helpful way & harmful way to express anger. It is how you release anger. Anger moves us away from our goal, it doesn’t give us what we want. Our hurts, our healing, our frustrations, resolve & fear move us further away. Everybody has a sack or baggage of anger. some carry more anger in them.