The Onion Reviews: ‘Spider-Man: Homecoming’

In 2012, Tony Stark and the federal government create the U.S. Department of Damage Control (D.O.D.C.), driving salvage company owner Adrian Toomes out of business. Toomes convinces his colleagues to not surrender the Chitauri technology already scavenged from the Battle of New York, but to instead use it to further a criminal agenda.

Four years later, following the Avengers’ internal dispute,[N 1] Peter Parker resumes his studies after Stark tells him he is not ready to become an Avenger. Over the objections of his Aunt May, Peter quits his school’s decathlon team so he can focus on “the Stark internship”, which is a cover for his crimefighting activities as Spider-Man.

One night, after preventing Toomes’ associates from robbing an ATM, Peter returns to his Queens apartment only for his best friend Ned to discover his secret identity. On another night, Peter comes across Toomes’ associates Herman Schultz and Jackson Brice selling Chitauri weaponry to local gangster Aaron Davis. When he tries to intervene, Peter nearly loses his life at Toomes’ hands and is rescued by Stark. Toomes later kills Brice for jeopardizing the operation.

Retrieving a Chitauri weapon left behind by Brice, Peter works with Ned to remove the power core. A tracking device leads Schultz to Midtown School, but Peter and Ned manage to evade him. After planting his own tracking device on Schultz and learning that it leads to Virginia, Peter rejoins the decathlon team and accompanies them to Washington, D.C. for Nationals.

Working with Ned, Peter disables the tracker implanted in his Spider-Man suit and unlocks all its secret features. He later tries to stop Toomes from stealing weapons from a D.O.D.C. truck, but ends up being overpowered and trapped inside the truck, causing him to miss Nationals. When he discovers that the Chitauri power core is unstable, Peter tracks Ned to the Washington Monument, arriving just as the core explodes and traps Ned in an elevator. Evading local authorities, Peter manages to save Ned and fellow classmate Liz before the elevator plummets.

Returning to New York City, Peter persuades Davis to reveal Toomes’ whereabouts. Confronting Toomes and his associates at the Staten Island Ferry, Peter captures the group’s new buyer Mac Gargan while Toomes escapes after a malfunctioning weapon tears the ferry in half. Stark helps Peter save the passengers before admonishing him for his recklessness and taking the suit away. While picking up Liz for Midtown’s annual homecoming dance, Peter learns that she is Toomes’ daughter. Deducing Peter’s secret identity, Toomes threatens retaliation if he continues to interfere with his plans.

During the dance, Peter realizes Toomes is planning to hijack a D.O.D.C. plane transporting weaponry from Avengers Tower to the team’s new headquarters in upstate New York. Leaving the dance and donning his homemade Spider-Man suit, Peter is ambushed by Schultz, but is saved by Ned. Peter then confronts Toomes in his lair, who attempts to persuade him to his side. When Peter refuses, Toomes destroys the building’s support beams and leaves him to die.

Managing to escape, Peter intercepts Toomes onboard the now-damaged plane, steering it towards the beach near Coney Island. The two engage in a confrontation that ends with Peter saving Toomes’ life and leaving him for the police.

Sometime later, Peter learns that Liz is moving away and that classmate Michelle Jones – whose nickname is “MJ” – will be replacing her as president of the decathlon team. Peter later declines Stark’s invitation to join the Avengers and inspires Stark to bring an engagement ring to a press conference where Pepper Potts is present. Upon returning home, Peter discovers that Stark has returned his upgraded suit and puts it on just as May walks into his room.

In a mid-credits scene, an incarcerated Gargan approaches Toomes at the Raft and, after explaining that several criminals are banding together, asks him if he knows Spider-Man’s identity only to receive a negative reply. In a post-credits scene, Captain America films a public service announcement on the importance of patience.